From MailOnline 20 December 2011 (source).

Submitted by Stevie Godson who comments:

That must have been a difficult birth…

From ABC News 17 December 2011 (source).

Submitted by Paul Lagasse who comments:

Wouldn’t a gun have been quicker?

From the BBC 15 December 2011.

Screen shot:

Submitted by Peter LeFanu Lumsdaine who comments:

I imagine the rest: Man says “Yes, a friend suggested it for my headaches; to think, it was available all these years and I never knew!”

From Reuters 17 December 2011 (source).

Submitted by Patrick Martin who comments:

As typhoons go, it was unruly and willful. Nobody will mourn its demise.

From The New York Times 14 December 2011 (source).

The headline has since changed.

Submitted by Daniel Barkalow who comments:

We hear lots of stories about gunmen killed after rampages, but this order is quite unusual.

From Chronicle of Philanthropy 7 December 2011 (source: page 8)

Submitted by Paul Lagasse who comments:

I guess if he’s well-fed, he’s more likely to give to charity.

From the BBC 8 December 2011 (source).

Submitted by Benjamin Slade.

From Reuters 6 December 2011 (source).

Submitted by Daniel Barkalow who comments:

When you’re trying to sign the best climate, suitcases full of money are better than checks, or, say, architectural elements.

Bonus subhead: “Delegates doubt final U.N. text will include concrete steps”

From CNN 5 December 2011 (source).

Submitted by Dan Kirby.

From EurekAlert! 1 December 2011 (source).

Submitted by Chak Olate who comments:

Apparently, emo kids don’t like their veggies.

It’s the press release for this journal article.